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Anyone got any good one-liners they heard from musicians at gigs. I’ll start the ball rolling. These are pretty old but funny when I first heard them.
We’ve had quite a lot of requests from the audience during the break......but we decided to stay anyway.
I wrote this next song for my mother....dunno why I bothered she still can’t play it.
I walked up to the late great Eric Roche at the end of a gig many years ago and told him I thought his playing was amazing. He leaned in close and, with a twinkle in his eye, whispered....Ha! fooled you too!
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Even introducing the band:
On lead guitar, the lead guitarist.
On rhythm guitar, the rhythm guitarist.
On bass, the bassist. Etc
Or you can introduce everyone except the last person.
And in drums, the drummer.
What's the best way to get a guitar player to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.
“I’d like to introduce the guys in the band... Buco! this is Billy! Billy! this is Buco...”
“Any requests? Just write them on the back of a twenty dollar bill and send them up!”
”George Gershwin wrote the next song... George was a great composer, but now he is decomposing!”
(after playing one song) “Okay! We’re going on our break now!”
”Anybody who feels like clapping along, please, don’t! We have enough trouble keeping the rhythm!”
(birthday in the audience) “Happy birthday! Today is your birthday! Tomorrow will be your afterbirth day!”
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
This is a song I learnt at my mother' knee ... or some other low joint.
How can you tell if the stage isn't level?
The banjo player only drools out of one side of his mouth.
We'll now play the song that folks usally request the most: The last one.
This is my stock line when we have someone depping -
‘X couldn’t make it tonight - so I asked a very talented player, one of the best players on the scene, to join us as a special guest .... but he wasn’t available either so here’s - etc
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
A few years ago, busking on a beautiful Summer afternoon, a beautiful member of the opposite sex strolled past, scantily clad...when the song ended we looked at each other to confirm we'd all seen that, only for our violinist to retort: "Yes, I was a beat off!"😎
...and the last member of our band, the tip jar! His name is Phillip.
Also, I've always wanted to do this bit by Gonzalo Bergara: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4Dum3T8UNw