Fellow musicians: In an effort to make music more accessible to more people, instruments should be given names that provide a better description of them. Please learn the names listed below and use them from now on.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Saxophone- Bendy Sex Whistle
Bassoon- Parpy Tree Trunk
Oboe-Duck Pipe
French Horn-Curvy Honk Glove
Cymbals- Smashy Plates
Harp- Naked Piano
Violin- Screech Plank
Cello- Large Screech Plank
Double Bass- Jazz Coffin
Flute- Sideways Pea shooter
Trombone- Slidy Fart Horn
Trumpet- Squeaky Cheek Exploder
Triangle- Whack-a-Dingle
Comments
Banjo: White Man's Burden
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
Clarinet: Horse Thermometer
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
Bass Sax: King Midas Urinal
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
Guitar: Guitar
Why would it need a nickname when everyone knows what it is and wants to play it? Why would anyone want to play anything else?
Bagpipes: Geneva Convention Violator
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
Girl Singer: Key Searcher
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
Drums - bashed by a musician's friend.
Harmonica - known around London musos at least as a 'Gob Iron'.
GJ rhythm guitarist: I Ching Ching Ching
Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."
Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
I made the mistake of taking a girlfriend to a Gypsy Jazz festival many years ago. She followed me round, grinning like a Cheshire cat, singing "I Ching Ching Ching, I Ching Ching Ching" all weekend long!